Unequally Yoked?
So what's the big deal? If I'm following Christ and dating someone who isn't, why is that bad? If they're a good person, and don't try to stop me from going to church or reading my Bible or hangingout with Christian friends, then why can't I date them? Let's first understand what a "yoke" is.
Yoked
If you weren't raised on a farm, you probably wouldn't know what a yoke is. A yoke is a wooden beam with two U-shaped frames at either end that fastens on the neck of two animals, usually oxen.
It is then attached to a cart to pull something heavy, or attached to a plow to plow a field. The yoke enables the animals to work together by pulling in unison.
The term "yoke" is also used metaphorically to describe some kind of burden or a partnership that requires cooperation and/or a shared effort.
Light vs. Dark
Now that we know what a yoke is, let's look at what the Bible has to say about it.
2 Corinthians 6:14-15 says, "Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?" (NLT)
You may be thinking, "But the person I'm dating isn't wicked. They're not evil. They're a good person; a great person!" There are only 2 kingdoms everyone is a part of. Either the kingdom darkness, or the Kingdom of light. And if they are not in relationship with Christ, then the light of God is not in them. They are in darkness.
Ephesians teaches us about being made alive in Christ.
Chapter 2 verses 1-2 says, "And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world..." (NKJV)
Do you notice the writer is speaking past tense? Because you used to NOT know Christ, but now you do! 😀🙌🏽 So the person you're dating who doesn't have a relationship with Christ is still dead on the inside. They're walking according to the patterns of this world. Therefore, they are in darkness.
So what's the big deal?
Being in a relationship with someone who does not have a relationship with Christ will create difficulties. Let's take a look at a few:
- VALUES
How can you really expect the person you're with to respect your Christian values when they don't share them? Their views don't match up with what God's Word says.
For instance, purity.
For them, having sex outside of marriage is no big deal. But for the life of the believer, God has made it clear for us to walk in purity, and submit our sexuality to Him and wait until marriage to have sex. Are you going to compropmise and willing live in sin just to please this person?
How about integrity?
Is being honest important to them? Do they lie and cheat because it's more convenient? Do they do the right thing even if it may cost them?
What about humility?
Being humble shows us our need and dependence on God. We ackowledge our need for His help in our circumstances. But they don't call on God for anything. This is where pride comes in. They will opereate from a place of pride instead of humility, and not rely on God.
- PRIORITES
For us, spending time with God, in His Word, in His house, and with His people is a priority. But it's not for the person who doesn't love Him or have a relationship with Him. So let's say you marry this person. What's gonna happen when it comes to giving? You are one who gives offerings and donates your money to different causes. That's important to you. But what if they don't want you giving 10+% of your income to church? Giving, and generosity is not a priority for them.
Or even when it comes to giving of your time to volunteer. What if they want more of your time and don't want you volunteering?
These are things you need to think about.
- BELIEFS
This by far is the most important one!
Amos 3:3 says, "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" (NLT)
If the person does not have a relatioship with Christ, they are not going to understand anything when it comes to spirituality.
LADIES: why would you want to be with a man who is not submitted to Christ? How can he lead you? If he's not leading you to Christ, then where is he going to lead you?
GENTLEMEN: why would you want a woman who is not submitted to Christ? She is not going to be able to support you in prayer, provide godly wisdom to you or keep the peace of God in your home.
This person doesn't know how to pray. They don't know how to have faith and rely on God's Word. So how can they come against the attacks from the enemy? They can't!
Is that really what you want? What happens when you have children? Are they going to allow you to teach your children about God, and the importance of being in God's house and learning about faith?
What do I do then?
Look friend. I understand the struggle! 😞 I have met so many men who literally checked off everything on my list...except a relationship with God. They've even told me that they would never get in the way of me and God. They knew how important church and God are to me. They said I can take the kids to church and read them Bible stories every night if I wanted to. They told me they would have no problem with that. Some of you may have had people tell you something similar. But do you hear how satisfying that sounds to your flesh? Don't be decieved, my friends. A man or woman who isn't serving Christ will aways get in the way of you serving Christ.
Learning to trust God and rely on Him for the spouse that you need for your future can be a struggle at times. Don't be tempted to take matters into your own hands. Go back and think about God's faithfulness, and how He's come through for you in the past. Recall to your mind how He's provided for you before and how He's protected you. You may want things to happen right now, but allow patience to develop within you. Allow your character to be developed in this season. And just throw yourself into God more. He loves when you come and spend more time with Him! 🤗
I'm right there with you when it comes to waiting. Trust me, you will be ok.
I talk about more of this in my Mentorship Program. I really hope you'll join! Here is a discount code for you: THRIVING
Written by:
Monique De Leon
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Hi there 👋 My name is Monique De Leon, and this is my Blog. Some of my favorite things are Jesus, travel, family, teaching, movies, board games and chocolate! :)
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